Why?

The last couple of weeks have been pretty tough - my office has experience two unexpected deaths of associates of our office in the span of 10 days. Both were unusual events; both made the local news. I find myself searching the internet, the newspaper, watching the news to learn about what happened. When did it happen? How did it happen? What were the circumstances that lead to both of their deaths? Both men in their early 40's. One, a bizarre car accident - sitting still at a stop sign and another driver, stone sober, took his eyes off the road for a second, ran off the road and t-boned our friend, killing him instantly. The other, an unbelievable shooting incident. I scan the newspaper for answers, as the stories literally went from headline news to the back page of the metro section in a day and I realized my questions were not going to be answered. I knew now when, pretty much how, but the answer I don't have, and won't find on First Coast News or in the Times Union is WHY. Why did both these men die in such freak incidents so suddenly. I'm not usually a why person. I believe God has a plan and things happen for a reason but sometimes you can't help but to ask, "why?" Larry & Tim, you will be missed.

Too cute to pass up!

My mom went to a garage sale yesterday and just couldn't leave this there! For a total of $3, Mia has her first bike!

God Said NO!

This poem was on my ladybug yahoo group board (the BEST group around) and I thought it went along very nicely with my post from June 8th. Enjoy.

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No. I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

One step forward - two steps back = 9 Months!

We are at the 9 month mark since our LID. 9 months - the same time as a pregnancy. Just thought I'd point that out. There is a song by the Beatles called "Revolution 9" on The White Album - their drug days for sure. 9 is considered lucky in China, unlucky in Japan. Our solar system has 9 planets. Oh, yeah, I think they kicked Pluto out, so that makes 8 - never mind. Kasey Kahne drives the #9 car in NASCAR. And I love Nine West shoes!

Are we half way done - doubtful. A third done - possible. Only time will tell. With each month down, it seems the wait is another 1/2 month or longer than the month before, thus the one step forward, two steps back. Anyway, another month down!

I sure wanted a kid this weekend!

This was such a beautiful weekend here in Florida. As Sunday is coming to an end all I can think is how much fun a kid would have been this weekend. I didn't do anything fun the past two days. A few things around the house, grocery shopping, a trip to Home Depot, but nothing really fun. I want a kid to play with! One of the things I really look forward to is waking up on a Saturday and going out to have fun with my kid!

Thank God for Unanswered Prayers

Infertility is a difficult road. Not the toughest of roads for sure but a rocky one none the less. I don't know how many times I begged, prayed, asked why, but I don't anymore. Now I can see the amazing road infertilty has taken us on. Most obvious, we wouldn't be adopting from China and, even with the wait, I am loving the journey. I have learned so much, met amazing people and done some very cool stuff. I am getting more and more involved with Grace & Hope, which is the foster care program that I've spoken of before. We have sponsored a girl for a year, watched her grow in a loving home and I have encouraged at least 4 others to do the same. I love the work we are doing for A Heart for China, the group that brought JinMei to Jacksonville for heart surgery and planning to bring XianBi in November. I've had a blast collecting for Mia's 100 good wish quilt, attending my first Chinese New Year celebration, have made some of the best friends I've ever had and are meeting more all the time. How would I have known that I would be thankful for our infertility. Don't get me wrong, I have bad days and I won't be a 100% good until we have our child but this path is pretty cool. I know I have talked about some of this before but sometimes something happens that makes you reflect and you thank God for unanswered prayers. He IS listening, just sometimes He says "no, I got something else in store for you"!

Happy Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day and I am so very thankful for the country that I was born and live in. We are so lucky for the freedoms that we have and so many good men and women protect and have lost their lives for our freedoms. As Mia gets older I plan to expose her to her Chinese heritage but I also will teach her the value of being American. She will be American and she will have freedoms that she will not have had in China. I love this country - thank you to all who have, do and will serve America.

Happy Mothers Day

I look forward to being a mom on Mother's Day but until then I celebrate the wonderful woman that I have as a my mom, my role model and my best friend. I pray that I will be half the mom that she is and has been to me. I also am fortunate to have a wonderful mother-in-law (here with our nephew) that I want to celebrate. Mia is going to be a lucky girl to have two wonderful women for her grandmoms! Until then, I celebrate being the lucky one to have them as my mom and mom-in-law and the fact that I'm one more Mother's Day closer to being a mom! And to all you moms and waiting moms out there, I want to wish you a Happy Mother's Day.

I feel healed... mostly

Yesterday I went to my best friend from college's baby shower. She lives in NC and came down to have her shower where her parents live in Florida. It was so good to see her and to see her pregnant, that it brought tears to my eyes! There was not even a tinge of jealousy or depression. Sadly I'm guilty of those feelings over the past few years at other baby showers. (It is expecially difficult when you are going to a second (or third) shower for the same person during the same period of just trying to become a parent once) and it's still hard with the long wait but I am so happy and satisfied with our path - even though long. I feel healthier than I have been over the past - I feel healed.

7 months - so excited I could burst - not!

I know we should be excited that 7 months since our LID is behind us but I'm just not getting the giddy feeling. Gee, could it be because the last batch was all of 2 days? I don't have many down days but when word got out that the most recent batch only covered 2 days, I burst into tears. It felt like a stab in the heart. I don't doubt our path but come on, 2 days? When we started the wait was 7-8 months meaning I thought we'd be looking at a photo of our daughter about now. And now I'm not sure we'll get a referral before Christmas 2008. How can this be? I guess the good news is that we have passed 7 months and some are just logging in, so we're ahead of someone. I feel like I'm in line at Disney and the sign says "1 1/2 years from this point" and yet people are still getting in line behind me - this must be a good ride!

Happy Easter!

It's a chilly, cloudy day here in Florida but the SON has risen anyway! We sure wish Mia was here with us but it didn't stop my mom from bringing a beautiful Easter basket with a ton of stuff for her. She will know she was loved long before she joined us.

A Heart for China

Great news! Two days after JinMei went home, Matthew (the translator) was contacted about another little girl named Xianbei ("Che-in-bay" - on the right) who also needs heart surgery. Well we received word yesterday that the medical group that did JinMei's surgery, Patrons of the Hearts, has agreed to take on Xianbei's surgery! We have A LOT of work to do because they have her slated for a September surgery. We are also working on turning our group "A Heart for China" into a real incorporated 501(c)(3) charity! How amazing! So keep our charity (and Xianbei of course) in your prayers that we will continue to grow and find ways to do this kind of work! Who knew God had this work lined up for me - He is awesome!

10 YEARS!!

Today is Mike and my 10 year wedding anniversary! I can't believe we've been married for 10 years! I'm actually very proud of ourselves! It has not always been easy and the difficulty of infertility certainly did not help but in a way I almost think it has made us stronger. It really put us on the same page of wanting a child so badly to jump through all the hoops to adopt. Six years ago when we first started to try to get pregnant, it was a conversation kind of like "are we ready to try?" "sure" and then off we went. But with adoption you really need to be together and then show your social worker you are united on the issue and then she has to writes to China and tell them how you are on the same page! Talk about unity! Anyway, the first 10 years have been about ourselves and we look forward to the next 10 years being about parents!

Cyber Shower Gifts!

In the past few days I have gotten 2 cyber shower gifts - one from my Ladybugs & Red Thread Believers group, from Karmen and the other from my August 2006 DTC group, Kelly. They are both so cute - I have finally posted a photo! Thank you so much to both of you guys! I had skipped the last cyber showers because they were right after Chistmas but I forgot how much fun it was to get a surprise in the mail! Thanks again guys!!

New Horizons

I have been so bad about blogging! Things have been crazy since the "China Crew", JinMei, her mom and Matthew the translator, went back home to China on Feb 28th. Within 4 days of them leaving we got an email that a 17 year old girl went to Matthew to tell him that her sister needs heart surgery and she had heard he had helped JinMei! We are now gaining medical records and working on bringing her here too! The group that did the surgery, Patrons of the Heart, said they would do one surgery a year for a child from China (they do about 4-5 free surgeries a year for kids from all over the world)! This is all very exciting! We are working on turning our group "A Heart for China" into a real charity! God works in amazing ways!

The other big "news" is that we passed our 6 month anniversary of being logged in yesterday. The day came and went with mixed feelings - happy that it's already been 6 months and it seemed pretty quick, sad that it could be another 18 months. Oh well, it is what it is! Mike and I did go out to dinner to "celebrate" the milestone. And we move on....

Chinese New Year!

Last night was my local FCC group's Chinese New Year celebration with almost 500 people - 150 of them kids! It was so much fun! Some of the highlights included JinMei signing a song to the whole group, ribbon dancers, fan dancers and the lion dance to finish the night. We had a silent auction, raffle prizes, kids crafts (which I was in charge of!), photographers and a sit down dinner.

I won a great raffle prize - the "waiting family" basket. It has a bunch of stuff for our travel to China including packing vacuum bags, diaper rash creme, bottle opener, a thermos, a flash light, a book light, a travel journal and it goes on and on.



I also got a beautiful gift from Matthew, the translator with JinMei. (The photo here is me, Matthew and JinMei). It's called a love ball and it's shown here. He says where he is from they do not do arranged marriages like most of China but allow the girl to choose a husband. At a certain festival at a certain time of the year everyone gets together and the girl throws the ball to the man she wants to marry. He can choose to catch it or not. It is so beautiful and a gift I will cherish forever!


I am so sad that JinMei, her mom and Matthew will be leaving on Tuesday but I know they are all ready to be home again. It has been an AMAZING experience. I am so blessed to have been a part of their trip here - I pray our paths will cross again! Have a good start! which is how Matthew says they say Happy New Year in China!

Happy Chinese New Year!

Today is Chinese New Year and welcoming the Year of the Pig! If my calculations and expectations are right, Mia Jade should be born in the Year of the Pig and that's suppose to be very good luck! So here's to our pig baby! I hope this new year brings a turn around in referral times. I still think we will see an increase until they get through 2005 LID's which will probably be July but then I hope we will see a turn around at that point. I am very excited about our FCC group's celebration next Saturday where we have RSVP's for almost 500 people! I will be sure to post pictures of that! Until then, Happy New Year!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Mike and I both took the day off of work to spend Valentine's Day together. We went to the zoo and it was a beautiful day - sunny and in the 60's! A very nice way to spend the day with my husband. Hope everyone else had an equally nice day!

Isn't this a cool picture - this giraffe was right up at the observation deck!

5 months since LID - almost 1 year from start

Today marks 5 months from our LID - very exciting. If "the wait" can settle around 20 months, then we'd be 25% through. Pretty good. We are also approaching the 1 year mark from when we started this journey. We mailed our application on Feb. 20, 2006 and got our approval notice on Feb. 24th, 2006. What a year! I did think we would be much closer to our Mia Jade by now when we started but I have accepted reality and am okay with the longer wait. I think the main reason is because I still know we are on our path to our baby where as a year ago, before we agreed on the adoption, I was lost and sad. Everyday now I know Mia is in my heart and she grows everyday - she's just taking longer to cook than I originally planned! But I know she's coming! I love the journey we are on. The wonderful people I have met, the things I have learned and the culture I am experiencing. I love this journey.

JinMei's doing great!

JinMei is continuing to rebound like only a kid can! I visited her yesterday and I think I impressed her by asking her in Chinese how she was doing. (That's one of about four phases I've learned so far in my attempt to learn some Chinese before our trip next year!) What she said in response I'm not sure but she smiled and nodded so I guess that's good! She then showed me a toy she was playing with that asks "show me a B" and then you push the "B" and it goes on to other letters. She was doing it! This is a kid that did not know a word of English two weeks ago! She is so smart. I was amazed! We also had a tricycle race - she beat me. The translator said there was not way she could have done that kind of activity level before her surgery. Now she looks like a regular kid just one week after open heart surgery! This has been such a cool thing to be a part of!