Why?

The last couple of weeks have been pretty tough - my office has experience two unexpected deaths of associates of our office in the span of 10 days. Both were unusual events; both made the local news. I find myself searching the internet, the newspaper, watching the news to learn about what happened. When did it happen? How did it happen? What were the circumstances that lead to both of their deaths? Both men in their early 40's. One, a bizarre car accident - sitting still at a stop sign and another driver, stone sober, took his eyes off the road for a second, ran off the road and t-boned our friend, killing him instantly. The other, an unbelievable shooting incident. I scan the newspaper for answers, as the stories literally went from headline news to the back page of the metro section in a day and I realized my questions were not going to be answered. I knew now when, pretty much how, but the answer I don't have, and won't find on First Coast News or in the Times Union is WHY. Why did both these men die in such freak incidents so suddenly. I'm not usually a why person. I believe God has a plan and things happen for a reason but sometimes you can't help but to ask, "why?" Larry & Tim, you will be missed.

Too cute to pass up!

My mom went to a garage sale yesterday and just couldn't leave this there! For a total of $3, Mia has her first bike!

God Said NO!

This poem was on my ladybug yahoo group board (the BEST group around) and I thought it went along very nicely with my post from June 8th. Enjoy.

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No. I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

One step forward - two steps back = 9 Months!

We are at the 9 month mark since our LID. 9 months - the same time as a pregnancy. Just thought I'd point that out. There is a song by the Beatles called "Revolution 9" on The White Album - their drug days for sure. 9 is considered lucky in China, unlucky in Japan. Our solar system has 9 planets. Oh, yeah, I think they kicked Pluto out, so that makes 8 - never mind. Kasey Kahne drives the #9 car in NASCAR. And I love Nine West shoes!

Are we half way done - doubtful. A third done - possible. Only time will tell. With each month down, it seems the wait is another 1/2 month or longer than the month before, thus the one step forward, two steps back. Anyway, another month down!

I sure wanted a kid this weekend!

This was such a beautiful weekend here in Florida. As Sunday is coming to an end all I can think is how much fun a kid would have been this weekend. I didn't do anything fun the past two days. A few things around the house, grocery shopping, a trip to Home Depot, but nothing really fun. I want a kid to play with! One of the things I really look forward to is waking up on a Saturday and going out to have fun with my kid!

Thank God for Unanswered Prayers

Infertility is a difficult road. Not the toughest of roads for sure but a rocky one none the less. I don't know how many times I begged, prayed, asked why, but I don't anymore. Now I can see the amazing road infertilty has taken us on. Most obvious, we wouldn't be adopting from China and, even with the wait, I am loving the journey. I have learned so much, met amazing people and done some very cool stuff. I am getting more and more involved with Grace & Hope, which is the foster care program that I've spoken of before. We have sponsored a girl for a year, watched her grow in a loving home and I have encouraged at least 4 others to do the same. I love the work we are doing for A Heart for China, the group that brought JinMei to Jacksonville for heart surgery and planning to bring XianBi in November. I've had a blast collecting for Mia's 100 good wish quilt, attending my first Chinese New Year celebration, have made some of the best friends I've ever had and are meeting more all the time. How would I have known that I would be thankful for our infertility. Don't get me wrong, I have bad days and I won't be a 100% good until we have our child but this path is pretty cool. I know I have talked about some of this before but sometimes something happens that makes you reflect and you thank God for unanswered prayers. He IS listening, just sometimes He says "no, I got something else in store for you"!